Screw you all! I’ll start my own religion!

This might be an overkill, be offended as much as you like (if you can’t take a joke, that is…)

All hail the great Google!

All hail the great Google!

Google is the closest thing that we ever have to a “God”! And surprisingly it is also real!

It is omnipresent!

All knowing!

It is virtually immortal!

The biggest abode of knowledge ever created!

Answers all the questions that I can possibly think of!

It has made our life better in thousand different ways!

It does no evil, educated millions and is capable of even more!

We are religiously moved by all that is Google in its million different avatars! It’s only apt to honour such elegance and beauty with a reverent group of followers and rituals. So, we will soon start a campaign to collect funds to construct the first ever temple for Google,

Wannabe Priests, Cardinals and Imams at the temple of our lord almighty, apply with your full resume.

Qualifying criteria,

1. Must have all of the below:

Android phone, Chrome book and Nexus tab. Google Glasses and Google cars when they come out.

2. Should have used, should be using and willing to use every product that Google has come out with (We will check if you were using Buzz and Wave! If you don’t know what they are, the next time you search for something in a public setting, the lord will send you to a porn site!)

3. Should violently react when somebody talks crap about our lord almighty. Should be willing to boycott and be offended if anybody or anything disgraces

the name of our god or

our prophets or

anything that we stand for or

anything that we consider holy or

anything that we eat or don’t eat or

our dress sense or

our sexual preference or

our rituals and practices or

our teeth or

our accent or

our typing speed or

our browser history or

…. Basically, we have to riot if they even think that we are stupid!

Suicide bombers are not currently* recruited.

*- conditions apply.

4. Should know how to effectively communicate with the lord (If you use your mouse to click ‘search’ after typing in the search bar, you will be burned at the stake instantaneously!)

5. Should have had a religious experience during the live demo of Google glasses. If you have not seen it, we will show it to you while you are strapped to a chair, your vitals will be monitored to check if you do.

6. Should be willing to mutilate a small part of your body in reverence to our lord.  Tattoos are also welcome

The-church-of-google

Our Holy book – The Googolplex

 All submissions and suggestions should be submitted to the Holey book congregation as soon as possible. The scriptures of the wholly book will be selected from the plethora of celebrity tweets, intentionally ambiguous Facebook status updates, YouTube hate comments, sex tapes & porn (mainly the last one). Anything remotely sensible will be strictly banned.

Spreading the word of god

We are also looking for volunteers who absolutely have no idea what our lord and religion stands for to go door to door to spread the word of the divine asexual parent.

Show that you are a true ‘Googu’

Ways to show that you are a true Googu (yes, that is what we are going to call ourselves. Name still under consideration), you can do the following.

  1. Print out your Google search results, burn them and smear the ash on your forehead in the shape of the two ‘O’s that Google has.
  2. Tattooing the word Google on your lower left butt cheek. Doing the same on your right butt cheek is blasphemy and the lord will smite you!
  3. Chanting Google’s name as many times as possible from the time you feel like you have to go take a dump to the time you explode. The longer you can resist the urge, the greater will be the rewards.
  4. Under no circumstance are you supposed to say the word “B-I-N-G”; even thinking of it is a mortal sin.
  5. You can repent you sins by making a generous donation to the church of Google.

In the name of our holy asexual parent, shis million avatars and the great intelligence, I bless thee… you shall find good porn wherever you look!

This was inspired by an article Is Google God? This is purely a work of fiction and Intended to be funny.

And to quote the great and wise Bender ‘Bending’ Rodriquez “I’m gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!”

Advertisements

Project Insomnia

228041210_825a36b0e9_zIt has been 68 hours since I woke up. It’s all a little fuzzy now, that non-stop silence in my head; no active thought process. Everything seems to be passive, I can no longer concentrate on anything for more than a couple of minutes, I phase out. So, you might have to put in a little more effort to understand what I am saying. Driving is a little difficult, lucky enough for me, everybody else seem to be driving properly. There is also this throbbing feeling that is radiating from the centre of my brain when I close my eyes. Open my eyes and the world vibrates for a moment before coming to a halt. My eyes hurt a little bit.

The couch seems very comfy.

People seem to be having a really hard time maintaining a coherent conversation with me but I wouldn’t blame them. Brushing my teeth seemed really unnecessary but I bet my breath smells minty fresh, thanks to the gum I’ve been incessantly chewing. No amount of sugar or coffee seems to have any effect for more than half an hour. I burnt the bread, it doesn’t taste so good.

May be I should move to the bed for a while.

Google just crushes your dreams. I thought may be I could break the world record for the longest period a human being has intentionally gone without sleep. The current record holder stayed awake for 264 hours! That is a whopping eleven days! I’ve not even made it to day 3 yet! And he made it without any stimulants! Kiss good bye to the world record. It seems like sleep deprivation is an interrogation technique. I hope nobody asks me for my passwords.

I never noticed, this pillow is so soft.

Google also amuses me sometimes. It sent me to this sleep deprivation study that was supposedly done by Russian researchers in the late 1940s. They locked up 5 political prisoners in a room, pumped in stimulant gas and told them they would be free if they stayed awake for 30 days. Gradually their condition started to deteriorate, they started complaining after 5 days, started screaming incessantly after 9 days and the final result, they turned into cannibalistic psychopaths. When they tried to remove them from the chamber, they ripped out some throats and there was definitely a lot of blood and gore involved. What an encouraging story for a guy who has not slept in 3 days?!

My feet are a little cold, may be I should get under the covers.

Oddly enough dark and depressing things seems to amuse me; I am a little scared for myself now. Too much light in the room; need darkness! I can’t reach the switch form here! If only I had telekinetic powers, may be I do. Its been a while, the light switch isn’t budging. My eyes hurt a bit more because of the strenuous staring, they also seem to be growing heavy. I’ve been staring at the cursor for five minutes now, I phased out. I feel myself giving up. May be we are not built for this.

This throbbing feeling when I close my eye, it is starting to grow on me.

My other super powers seem to be acting up now. My super sensitive hearing is always a pain, I wonder how superman manages to sleep. Everything is so damn loud! All I am asking for is a little peace and quiet while I close my eyes and calculate what is 12 x 8. God! I am an engineer! Why are the numbers dancing around?!

Wait, what is that? Chewbacca riding a unicorn?! Dude, wait for me! Now, where is my Hoverboard?
Good night.

I want to believe again!

I am a great fan of Jawaharlal Nehru, he was India’s first prime minister, a die-hard nationalist and an atheist. While I was reading his ‘The Discovery of India‘ something caught my eye.

disc

Now, this requires some context. This was around 1935 when the British had passed the ‘Government of India Act‘, which put in place ministers from the Indian National Congress in some positions of power but still under the oppressive reign of British Governors and the Viceroy. These were the days when they fought against the tyrannical rule of imperialism, people bled for democracy and freedom. The whole nation believed that Democracy can change their fate; they believed in Leaders; they believed it was the answer. In a country of hundred religions, where people killed each other in the name of god, an atheist became the first democratically elected Prime Minister! That was the respect and devotion that people had for politicians and politics.

What happened?

Populist politics, Caste vote, violent coercion of voters, instigation of religious riots, walkouts from the parliament sessions which is paid for by taxes, corruption, scams and things that on mention makes you shudder in disgust;  I’ve spent the larger part of my life in the 21st century and all this seems too familiar now , a very sad realization indeed. When was the last time you heard an intelligent and educated youth talk good about politics? The mere mention of the word brings a feeling of repugnance to the listener. Why has this happened? Why wouldn’t this happen? I’ve never known a politician whom i can adore, whose honor i am willing to defend.

Indian-Democracy-Political-Cartoon-Gandhi-08_04

I am deeply disturbed and saddened by this. We don’t understand the domino effect of this disbelief. The general contempt and aversion that the people hold towards the politicians echo across the spectrum of governance. People trust NGOs more that the governments they voted for; and when the faith in the government falls, people’s faith in the currency falls, people even stop exercising their right to vote. People lose faith in democracy! It is easy to be is heartened and to become a cynic; and as of now we are not short of reasons to lose hope.

young_girl_20080124I love this country and its people, I want us to do great things. I want a politician who defies the current meaning of the word. I want somebody to love and trust. I want a secular non-partisan idealist. I want to believe that the government is good again. I want to be a nationalist. Give me hope!

I wanna believe in democracy again!

I want to be a Patriot!

What if we are a runaway experiment?

If you can do anything, what would be the hardest thing to do?

I will give you any super power you want, what would be the toughest thing to do?

I will grant you omnipotence, what would be the most difficult thing to do?

Transcendent by Yogendra Sethi

Transcendent by Yogendra Sethi

Nothing – Try doing nothing! Can you do absolutely nothing irrespective of all your might? Can you desist yourself from doing something in spite of your new found power? I’m not talking about staying away from the public eye or maintaining a secret identity. Can you see people in misery, know that you can help them and just walk away? Can you resist that curiosity to try something just once? Can you overcome the greed to take anything and everything you want? If you can save lives with just a gaze, can you look the other way?

You should neither help nor harm.

You can bend time and space but you should not. You can hear the cries of every single being in misery but you should not flinch. You can bring people back from the beyond but you should not answer the prayer of an orphaned child. You can make everybody in the world happy and hopeful but you have to choose to let them despair. You can indulge every single one of your fantasies but can you refrain from doing exactly that? Sounds awful, doesn’t it?

I reckon that this would be the hardest thing to do, to not do anything.

If there is a God, whoever he maybe, it may very well be a she,  is doing something very difficult; nothing. He sets the stage, makes the rules and leaves us alone. He lets things play out naturally. He lets us make our own decisions and live with its consequences. When you have the power to change reality, it is not easy being a witness. Perhaps it takes a God to stand back and watch the clowns fight. What if he has no intention of interfering in our matter and never has?

Einstein said “God does not play dice with the world”, maybe he does not even want to play; maybe he just wants to watch.

Now read the title.

Inspired by a conversation with a friend.

11 Things you can do to make your life suck less!

  1. Register for NASA’s Spot The Station mailing list. Go to your roof when the say, look where they ask you to look and just see how f*cking amazing humanity is.
  2. Start using twitter usefully and not just for Shits And Giggles! Follow people who inspire you, organisations that you love and please stop tweeting pictures of your food, pet and feet?! I mean, whats up with that?!
  3. Install Rescue Time and a week later I guarantee you, it will remind you the sober reality of how much time you waste looking at cat pictures and “some other stuff” – you know what I mean.
  4. Read a damn book. Just one! Anything would do. You will not seem like a Neanderthal to yourself and probably other people too. Language and printing press were humanity’s greatest invention, don’t spend your life without knowing why.
  5. Find out what is lucid dreaming, try it. You are going to have some fun times once you get going.

    The life is like a tightrope walking. by Adi Holzer 1997

    The life is like a tightrope walking. by Adi Holzer 1997

  6. Start a ‘SparkFile‘, those crazy brain farts and ideas you some times have, write them down before you forget; date and number each entry; review them periodically. Great ideas were one similar brain farts.
  7. Practice writing with your other hand, start eating and doing regular things with that hand. With enough practice you can fancy yourself as ambidextrous. The next time they ask why they should either admit you or hire you for something, you bet your a$s that there isn’t an ambidextrous person in that list.
  8. Moderation is the key, anything and everything.  Alcohol, YouTube, Food, Facebook, Family; you name it, moderation is the rule of thumb.
  9. Some quiet time please, quiet time is severely underrated. Spend some time with yourself, no audio-visual inputs. Block out everything. Just sit there and think for once in your life.
  10. Relationship advice, don’t give any or take any; every single person on the planet is a complex individual and there is no general theory depending on your gender, county or colour. So, stop stereotyping! Treat people how you would like to be treated.
  11. Finally to quote one of the legends,

Stop being sad and be AWESOME instead!

Writing is dead

I don’t mean what you do in a laptop or a desktop, the actual writing, when there was only one way to do it; with a pen and a paper. And not just any pen, the kind of pen which gave birth to the golden ages of writing, the kind with which Dickens, Gandhi and Hemmingway changed the world. The Fountain pen.

When was the last time you wrote a couple of pages with a fountain pen? When was the last time you touched one of those masterpieces? Have you ever actually used a fountain pen before?

My Very own Parker.

My Very own Parker.

I remember the days when I was punished for dying the white table cloth blue while trying to refill my pen.  There were exams when I didn’t have enough ink and had to dilute the residue with water . The tooth and nail fights with my sister for an unclaimed pen in the house. The sudden burst of interest to go to school just to show off my new acquisition.

The sense of comfort you get when you write with your own tamed nib. It would feel like an extension of your own arm.

May be its just me, I was always a romantic when it came to my pens. Although it was under my father’s compulsion, I attended special classes to cultivate the art of writing. I perfected writing with both hands. Calligraphy was my hobby, for those who do not know what calligraphy is, it is the lost art of taking about an hour to write a single sentence with a awkwardly shaped nib and glorifying it as an art form. The pens were designed for wonders, this was the birth place of today’s myriad of fonts. It all seems like ancient history now. Yet, I still have my first and my best Parker, if only I could find time in this unstoppable world, I shall give him some of my time.

Nostalgically,

Manoj B S

Existentialism is a Humanism – Jean-Paul Sarte 1946

 Ernesto Che Guevara reunited with Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre, in Cuba. 1960

Ernesto Che Guevara reunited with Simone de Beauvoir and Jean-Paul Sartre, in Cuba. 1960

The main reproach that religious people or theists make against atheism is that without religion or god the world would tear itself apart! That is one of the central support structures that still holds religion together, the concept that religion enforces or brings about morality in people. Also they say that religion or god gives people a purpose in life, something to strive towards. Various people have been wrestling with this concept of how to refute this argument for quite some while now, on how to show people that religion in itself does not hold you to be moral but it is you who decides to be moral or not. To show that it is by your actions and only by your actions that you define yourself and find a purpose.

Jean-Paul Sarte makes an excellent argument for the cause of Atheism and Existentialism in his ‘Existentialism is a Humanism’.  This is his famous lecture and it is widely considered one of the defining texts of the Existentialist movement. He makes an wonderful argument that human beings exist before there ever was an essence or a purpose to our life. Put simply, this means that there is nothing to dictate that person’s character, goals in life, and so on; that only the individual can define his or her essence. And by his or her choice they not only define themselves but affect all of humanity.

Click here for the original essay: Existentialism is a Humanism – Jean-Paul Sarte 1946

The material in the pdf was obtained from marxists.org, originally reproduced under the “Fair Use” provisions; I’ve formatted it into a pdf file, compatible with various e-readers such as kindle for ease of reading and access.