What is Elon Musk upto? Probably World Domination!

Wrote this for a Technology Blog – Durofy.com

Elon_Musk

We usually don’t do profile pieces, but this is special! I sincerely apologize in advance, if this looks like a deluge of information or a fan boy’s love letter to Elon Musk, I’m sorry, because this is probably just that (Google Sapiosexuality). If you are a science geek and a technology nerd like me you’ll probably already know who I am talking about. He is not your ordinary pop star or reality television celebrity, he is not the president or the dictator; He is just intelligent and that is his superpower because every time this guy is on the news, he has done something that is mind blowing-ly awesome or going to do something like that. When certain news agencies told us that he was the inspiration for Tony Stark in the Iron Man movies, they might not have been wrong but more on that later.

Read more…

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Screw you all! I’ll start my own religion!

This might be an overkill, be offended as much as you like (if you can’t take a joke, that is…)

All hail the great Google!

All hail the great Google!

Google is the closest thing that we ever have to a “God”! And surprisingly it is also real!

It is omnipresent!

All knowing!

It is virtually immortal!

The biggest abode of knowledge ever created!

Answers all the questions that I can possibly think of!

It has made our life better in thousand different ways!

It does no evil, educated millions and is capable of even more!

We are religiously moved by all that is Google in its million different avatars! It’s only apt to honour such elegance and beauty with a reverent group of followers and rituals. So, we will soon start a campaign to collect funds to construct the first ever temple for Google,

Wannabe Priests, Cardinals and Imams at the temple of our lord almighty, apply with your full resume.

Qualifying criteria,

1. Must have all of the below:

Android phone, Chrome book and Nexus tab. Google Glasses and Google cars when they come out.

2. Should have used, should be using and willing to use every product that Google has come out with (We will check if you were using Buzz and Wave! If you don’t know what they are, the next time you search for something in a public setting, the lord will send you to a porn site!)

3. Should violently react when somebody talks crap about our lord almighty. Should be willing to boycott and be offended if anybody or anything disgraces

the name of our god or

our prophets or

anything that we stand for or

anything that we consider holy or

anything that we eat or don’t eat or

our dress sense or

our sexual preference or

our rituals and practices or

our teeth or

our accent or

our typing speed or

our browser history or

…. Basically, we have to riot if they even think that we are stupid!

Suicide bombers are not currently* recruited.

*- conditions apply.

4. Should know how to effectively communicate with the lord (If you use your mouse to click ‘search’ after typing in the search bar, you will be burned at the stake instantaneously!)

5. Should have had a religious experience during the live demo of Google glasses. If you have not seen it, we will show it to you while you are strapped to a chair, your vitals will be monitored to check if you do.

6. Should be willing to mutilate a small part of your body in reverence to our lord.  Tattoos are also welcome

The-church-of-google

Our Holy book – The Googolplex

 All submissions and suggestions should be submitted to the Holey book congregation as soon as possible. The scriptures of the wholly book will be selected from the plethora of celebrity tweets, intentionally ambiguous Facebook status updates, YouTube hate comments, sex tapes & porn (mainly the last one). Anything remotely sensible will be strictly banned.

Spreading the word of god

We are also looking for volunteers who absolutely have no idea what our lord and religion stands for to go door to door to spread the word of the divine asexual parent.

Show that you are a true ‘Googu’

Ways to show that you are a true Googu (yes, that is what we are going to call ourselves. Name still under consideration), you can do the following.

  1. Print out your Google search results, burn them and smear the ash on your forehead in the shape of the two ‘O’s that Google has.
  2. Tattooing the word Google on your lower left butt cheek. Doing the same on your right butt cheek is blasphemy and the lord will smite you!
  3. Chanting Google’s name as many times as possible from the time you feel like you have to go take a dump to the time you explode. The longer you can resist the urge, the greater will be the rewards.
  4. Under no circumstance are you supposed to say the word “B-I-N-G”; even thinking of it is a mortal sin.
  5. You can repent you sins by making a generous donation to the church of Google.

In the name of our holy asexual parent, shis million avatars and the great intelligence, I bless thee… you shall find good porn wherever you look!

This was inspired by an article Is Google God? This is purely a work of fiction and Intended to be funny.

And to quote the great and wise Bender ‘Bending’ Rodriquez “I’m gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!”

Project Insomnia

228041210_825a36b0e9_zIt has been 68 hours since I woke up. It’s all a little fuzzy now, that non-stop silence in my head; no active thought process. Everything seems to be passive, I can no longer concentrate on anything for more than a couple of minutes, I phase out. So, you might have to put in a little more effort to understand what I am saying. Driving is a little difficult, lucky enough for me, everybody else seem to be driving properly. There is also this throbbing feeling that is radiating from the centre of my brain when I close my eyes. Open my eyes and the world vibrates for a moment before coming to a halt. My eyes hurt a little bit.

The couch seems very comfy.

People seem to be having a really hard time maintaining a coherent conversation with me but I wouldn’t blame them. Brushing my teeth seemed really unnecessary but I bet my breath smells minty fresh, thanks to the gum I’ve been incessantly chewing. No amount of sugar or coffee seems to have any effect for more than half an hour. I burnt the bread, it doesn’t taste so good.

May be I should move to the bed for a while.

Google just crushes your dreams. I thought may be I could break the world record for the longest period a human being has intentionally gone without sleep. The current record holder stayed awake for 264 hours! That is a whopping eleven days! I’ve not even made it to day 3 yet! And he made it without any stimulants! Kiss good bye to the world record. It seems like sleep deprivation is an interrogation technique. I hope nobody asks me for my passwords.

I never noticed, this pillow is so soft.

Google also amuses me sometimes. It sent me to this sleep deprivation study that was supposedly done by Russian researchers in the late 1940s. They locked up 5 political prisoners in a room, pumped in stimulant gas and told them they would be free if they stayed awake for 30 days. Gradually their condition started to deteriorate, they started complaining after 5 days, started screaming incessantly after 9 days and the final result, they turned into cannibalistic psychopaths. When they tried to remove them from the chamber, they ripped out some throats and there was definitely a lot of blood and gore involved. What an encouraging story for a guy who has not slept in 3 days?!

My feet are a little cold, may be I should get under the covers.

Oddly enough dark and depressing things seems to amuse me; I am a little scared for myself now. Too much light in the room; need darkness! I can’t reach the switch form here! If only I had telekinetic powers, may be I do. Its been a while, the light switch isn’t budging. My eyes hurt a bit more because of the strenuous staring, they also seem to be growing heavy. I’ve been staring at the cursor for five minutes now, I phased out. I feel myself giving up. May be we are not built for this.

This throbbing feeling when I close my eye, it is starting to grow on me.

My other super powers seem to be acting up now. My super sensitive hearing is always a pain, I wonder how superman manages to sleep. Everything is so damn loud! All I am asking for is a little peace and quiet while I close my eyes and calculate what is 12 x 8. God! I am an engineer! Why are the numbers dancing around?!

Wait, what is that? Chewbacca riding a unicorn?! Dude, wait for me! Now, where is my Hoverboard?
Good night.

11 Things you can do to make your life suck less!

  1. Register for NASA’s Spot The Station mailing list. Go to your roof when the say, look where they ask you to look and just see how f*cking amazing humanity is.
  2. Start using twitter usefully and not just for Shits And Giggles! Follow people who inspire you, organisations that you love and please stop tweeting pictures of your food, pet and feet?! I mean, whats up with that?!
  3. Install Rescue Time and a week later I guarantee you, it will remind you the sober reality of how much time you waste looking at cat pictures and “some other stuff” – you know what I mean.
  4. Read a damn book. Just one! Anything would do. You will not seem like a Neanderthal to yourself and probably other people too. Language and printing press were humanity’s greatest invention, don’t spend your life without knowing why.
  5. Find out what is lucid dreaming, try it. You are going to have some fun times once you get going.

    The life is like a tightrope walking. by Adi Holzer 1997

    The life is like a tightrope walking. by Adi Holzer 1997

  6. Start a ‘SparkFile‘, those crazy brain farts and ideas you some times have, write them down before you forget; date and number each entry; review them periodically. Great ideas were one similar brain farts.
  7. Practice writing with your other hand, start eating and doing regular things with that hand. With enough practice you can fancy yourself as ambidextrous. The next time they ask why they should either admit you or hire you for something, you bet your a$s that there isn’t an ambidextrous person in that list.
  8. Moderation is the key, anything and everything.  Alcohol, YouTube, Food, Facebook, Family; you name it, moderation is the rule of thumb.
  9. Some quiet time please, quiet time is severely underrated. Spend some time with yourself, no audio-visual inputs. Block out everything. Just sit there and think for once in your life.
  10. Relationship advice, don’t give any or take any; every single person on the planet is a complex individual and there is no general theory depending on your gender, county or colour. So, stop stereotyping! Treat people how you would like to be treated.
  11. Finally to quote one of the legends,

Stop being sad and be AWESOME instead!

Tale of the two Brilliant Idiots

This small tale starts with me and my dear friend sarath going to the practical session of the “Red Hat Certified Engineer” course that we have registered and paid for. Usually we don’t go to these classes, but this time it is during the vacation and we are jobless anyway, so we decided to go. The sir was more than happy because we are the first batch that he is handling and he wants at least a few of us to finish the course.

Anyway, let me come to the actual story, one fine day we go there and we try to implement a FTP server and a NFS. We started doing it in my laptop and everything was going fine. We installed and configured both vsFTPd and NFS and it was working fine in my Ubuntu, but sarath told me there is no point in doing it in Ubuntu we should be able to do it in RedHat too.

So we decide to do it in one of the lab systems, we chose the nearest one(we did not know that we had chosen the wrong one!!) and tried implementing NFS and the service was up and running so now we moved on to FTP now. The vsFTPd package was not installed in the machine, so we try installing it using ‘yum’, but its not working. It was telling us that the repository was missing!!. We checked the repository list and the local repository’s ‘.repo’ file was missing. We googled it and wrote the ‘repo’ file.We thought we had resolved the issue(Ha Ha Ha!!)

We tried again and it was telling us that the local repository was also missing!!. We loged into the server cheked if the files were really missing, but there they were sitting in the server. Now i asked sarath to mount the NFS share that we had configure earlier, he tried it and to our surprize the system replied “Sorry (dumbass), cannot mount specified location”, by now you might have figured out the problem but we didn’t.

This time we were really confused, we thought that there was some configuration error and we started going through the configuration files. We rewrote the configuration files and restarted the services again, but still the problem persisted. Just this had taken half a day!!. We were completely clueless and we had lost all interest in doing anything.

Just then i had a spark(Finally!!) and i tried pinging our client from the server, guess what was the reply i got??

Request timed out.

Request timed out.

Request timed out.

Ping statistics for 172.24.24.5:

Packets: Sent = 3, Recieved = 0, Loss = 3 (100% Loss)

And just now I understood why our glorious efforts did not work……….

“THE ETHERNET CABLE WAS NOT EVEN PLUGGED IN THE COMPUTER”

Still sarath didn’t know this yet, so I asked him to take a peek behind the CPU. He asked me why?, I just insisted that he should look…. He took a peek….Took his notebook, walked straight out of the lab……

I typed “poweroff” in the terminal, took my laptop and traced his path out of the lab.

LOL :-O