What is Elon Musk upto? Probably World Domination!

Wrote this for a Technology Blog – Durofy.com

Elon_Musk

We usually don’t do profile pieces, but this is special! I sincerely apologize in advance, if this looks like a deluge of information or a fan boy’s love letter to Elon Musk, I’m sorry, because this is probably just that (Google Sapiosexuality). If you are a science geek and a technology nerd like me you’ll probably already know who I am talking about. He is not your ordinary pop star or reality television celebrity, he is not the president or the dictator; He is just intelligent and that is his superpower because every time this guy is on the news, he has done something that is mind blowing-ly awesome or going to do something like that. When certain news agencies told us that he was the inspiration for Tony Stark in the Iron Man movies, they might not have been wrong but more on that later.

Read more…

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A Sneak Peek Into India’s Sexiest Payment Solution/Gateway

Probably India’s most simple and sexy looking payment gateway!

Payd Blog

First things first, we have to apologize for taking so long to start operating Payd. From the overwhelming amount of signups and inquiries we have received, we know a lot of you have been planning to do great things with it. Rest assured, the time has been put to good use. Moreover, online payment is no easy game in India.

Secondly, we are not live *yet*, but you can expect that in a few weeks. We’re running some final tests and making sure everything’s working the way it should. Security comes first.

The first version of the product is fully ready. We did not feel very good about our previous design, so we redesigned every last pixel. We would like to give you a sneak peek at our sexy new design in this post, so it’s going to be more visuals and less talk.

 

Payment gatewayA customer shops online on…

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Screw you all! I’ll start my own religion!

This might be an overkill, be offended as much as you like (if you can’t take a joke, that is…)

All hail the great Google!

All hail the great Google!

Google is the closest thing that we ever have to a “God”! And surprisingly it is also real!

It is omnipresent!

All knowing!

It is virtually immortal!

The biggest abode of knowledge ever created!

Answers all the questions that I can possibly think of!

It has made our life better in thousand different ways!

It does no evil, educated millions and is capable of even more!

We are religiously moved by all that is Google in its million different avatars! It’s only apt to honour such elegance and beauty with a reverent group of followers and rituals. So, we will soon start a campaign to collect funds to construct the first ever temple for Google,

Wannabe Priests, Cardinals and Imams at the temple of our lord almighty, apply with your full resume.

Qualifying criteria,

1. Must have all of the below:

Android phone, Chrome book and Nexus tab. Google Glasses and Google cars when they come out.

2. Should have used, should be using and willing to use every product that Google has come out with (We will check if you were using Buzz and Wave! If you don’t know what they are, the next time you search for something in a public setting, the lord will send you to a porn site!)

3. Should violently react when somebody talks crap about our lord almighty. Should be willing to boycott and be offended if anybody or anything disgraces

the name of our god or

our prophets or

anything that we stand for or

anything that we consider holy or

anything that we eat or don’t eat or

our dress sense or

our sexual preference or

our rituals and practices or

our teeth or

our accent or

our typing speed or

our browser history or

…. Basically, we have to riot if they even think that we are stupid!

Suicide bombers are not currently* recruited.

*- conditions apply.

4. Should know how to effectively communicate with the lord (If you use your mouse to click ‘search’ after typing in the search bar, you will be burned at the stake instantaneously!)

5. Should have had a religious experience during the live demo of Google glasses. If you have not seen it, we will show it to you while you are strapped to a chair, your vitals will be monitored to check if you do.

6. Should be willing to mutilate a small part of your body in reverence to our lord.  Tattoos are also welcome

The-church-of-google

Our Holy book – The Googolplex

 All submissions and suggestions should be submitted to the Holey book congregation as soon as possible. The scriptures of the wholly book will be selected from the plethora of celebrity tweets, intentionally ambiguous Facebook status updates, YouTube hate comments, sex tapes & porn (mainly the last one). Anything remotely sensible will be strictly banned.

Spreading the word of god

We are also looking for volunteers who absolutely have no idea what our lord and religion stands for to go door to door to spread the word of the divine asexual parent.

Show that you are a true ‘Googu’

Ways to show that you are a true Googu (yes, that is what we are going to call ourselves. Name still under consideration), you can do the following.

  1. Print out your Google search results, burn them and smear the ash on your forehead in the shape of the two ‘O’s that Google has.
  2. Tattooing the word Google on your lower left butt cheek. Doing the same on your right butt cheek is blasphemy and the lord will smite you!
  3. Chanting Google’s name as many times as possible from the time you feel like you have to go take a dump to the time you explode. The longer you can resist the urge, the greater will be the rewards.
  4. Under no circumstance are you supposed to say the word “B-I-N-G”; even thinking of it is a mortal sin.
  5. You can repent you sins by making a generous donation to the church of Google.

In the name of our holy asexual parent, shis million avatars and the great intelligence, I bless thee… you shall find good porn wherever you look!

This was inspired by an article Is Google God? This is purely a work of fiction and Intended to be funny.

And to quote the great and wise Bender ‘Bending’ Rodriquez “I’m gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!”

Changing ‘change’ – Short history of that change in your pocket.

I’ve been hearing about Bitcoin a lot lately and when I learnt how Bitcoins were ‘mined’, it reminded me of how societies change what they value and the concept of money changes with that.

Civilizations value what they deem is the most important and the worth of anything, either a hard day’s labor or a exquisite piece of art is valued with respect to that commodity. The ancients valued food or sustenance above all and long before the great cities rose people were trading using food the grew, meat or hunted. Thus the barter system was born. Slowly as people started settling in agricultural societies started valuing their staple diets more and more, and nomadic communities their herds of cattle.  No sooner, the worth of a man was measured either by the sacks of rice or a the herds of sheep he had.

GOLD!

GOLD!

When the first man saw the bright sunlight gleaming on the yellow metal the history of mankind was forever changed. Cities fell, civilizations wiped out and ordinary humans became gods in the eyes of the beholder, all because of the shiny pieces of gold  they had. Soon precious metals were considered valuable and coins were minted with gold and silver to be used as currencies. These coins had intrinsic value, irrespective of who minted these coins, they were valuable for the materials in which they were made from. This sparked the global trade to flourish in a much wider scale. Although people did not want the commodities you were selling, everybody loved gold!

But carrying something like gold which had intrinsic value had its disadvantages, you were vulnerable to robbery and theft and you could carry only so much and not weighed down by it. So, some renowned trade houses started offering promissory notes that you indeed possessed the amount of gold that was written on that piece of parchment. It was safer now to travel with all your wealth in your pocket. You could exchange the note for the gold at any franchise of the trading house or you could directly trade using the promissory note. Thus the first currency was born. This was a very successful endeavor indeed, some promissory notes issued by large trading houses in India were so popular that they were valued as far as Mesopotamia and Egypt  Even kings did not posses that much influence. Empires rose and fall, dynasties perished, armies clashed but trading houses and conglomerates survived Millenniums.

Gold seemed to be the perfect currency, it seemed flawless but now we know that it also reacts to the forces of demand and supply. When the time of kings and tyrants had passed, governments rose. One centralized authority that promised that it could and would protect your life’s work; the first gold backed currencies were born. Now, these currencies were backed by gold or other precious commodity which the government held in huge lockers in undisclosed locations and printed currencies equal to the value of the commodity that the country possessed.

Thousand rupee note - India

Thousand rupee note – India

Once the evolutionary urge of survival is not necessary anymore, the second most powerful urge, the urge to reproduce kicks in. Humanity grew in an explosive rate.  The number of people kept growing in an exponential pace but the amount of precious metal remained the same. The move away from commodity backed currency was inevitable. Governments started printing money. Neither did this type of money have any intrinsic value nor was it backed by any commodity, it had value because governments said so. This type of money is called Fiat money. This type of currency has value because people say it has value, funny isn’t it? This is called the Tinkerbell effect, something exists or is valuable because people believe that it does! From the salary you are paid to the country’s economy to international trade depends on the one single basic fact that people and governments are trustworthy; ironic isn’t it? That government, which is run by “corrupt” politicians and executives, that we sometimes hate and bitch about is the single  thing that is holding your sh*t together! When you read “I promise to pay the bearer the sum of…” on that bank note, it really is just a promise.

When governments like that are afraid of something then you can bet your money that it is indeed powerful. Yes, I am talking about the internet. It has transcended country, religion and racial lines. It has elected presidents and overthrown dictators. So, when the internet democratizes the playing field, it does not stop for anything. You might have heard this before but Bitcoin which is the currency of the internet has no centralized authority. It is a peer to peer currency that exists on the world wide web. Bitcoin is “Mined” by performing complex calculations using powerful systems. That’s right, Calculation are turned into currency. When the world moves into the new digital age, not commodities, not governments but the power of calculation and intelligence will hold the key.

Bitcoin

Bitcoin

The internet is not some artificial hive mind, it is a network of people and people are unpredictable. This also translates to Bitcoin, but it clearly shows us what has become the valuable commodity of this digital age. Even if it does not become the standard currency it has ushered  us into a new age and has changed our perspectives.

More on Bitcoin here.

One of my many love affairs…

Have you ever fallen in love with a book? I know, some of you might have, but I don’t mean falling in love with the author or what he said, falling in love with the actual book, that inanimate object. It pains me to say that its ‘inanimate’ but for the sake of explaining myself, I have to.

'The Screwtape Letters' by C.S. Lewis, Illustrated by William Papas

‘The Screwtape Letters’ by C.S. Lewis, Illustrated by William Papas

This is the story of how I fell in love with the book ‘The Screwtape Letters‘ by C. S. Lewis. The concept of the book intrigued me, it is the correspondence between Screwtape, an experienced devil and his nephew Wormwood, a young tempter at the beginning of his demonic career. So, I ordered the book online, when I opened that package and saw the embossed letters on the cover of the book; I wouldn’t say it was love at first sight but it flicked a switch inside me. They say you should not judge a book by its cover but it was the cover that started the spiral into my obsession with the book.

When I say obsession, I’m not exaggerating. I go to sleep with it beside my pillow, it has to be at the top of the book pile on my table, I’ve started using it as a wallet, I take it to my driving classes, it is appearing in my dreams! I was actually reading another book when this book arrived but sweet lord! The illustrations, they just won’t let me get on with the other book! Did I tell you about the illustrations? Beautiful! Just beautiful! This edition of the book was illustrated by William Papas and dear god, he has done a stunning job!

This is not my first obsession, before this I was obsessed with another book, ‘Fight Club’ by Chuck Palahnuik. I would read that book every other time I finish some other book, I started remembering the lines before I read them. I had to give it away to a friend as a gift to get over it. But this time I think it is much worse. The smell of the paper, the crisp sound when you turn the pages and the illustrations, they don’t let me sleep at night.

A couple of days ago I saw a TED talk by Chip Kidd, in which he talks about the level of insight and creativity which he puts into designing the covers of books, but you have to be attentive to detail in order to notice any of it. This set off my detail-preceptor and the devil is in the details, literally! This book is actually a collection of letters from a senior demon as I mentioned earlier, the level of detail in the book is just amazing. We can see in the illustration that the devil is writing with a quill and a ink bottle so whenever he is signing his name or addressing his nephew, there is a ink blot here and there, spill a couple of times. This is just one of the many seductive capabilities of the book that enticed me.

I also have a kindle which I very much like but whatever technology brings to us the physical feel of a book is impossible to emulate if you ask me, hardcover paper books will always rule the hearts and minds of the reader. Still, this worries me sometimes, the trees you know…

Project Insomnia

228041210_825a36b0e9_zIt has been 68 hours since I woke up. It’s all a little fuzzy now, that non-stop silence in my head; no active thought process. Everything seems to be passive, I can no longer concentrate on anything for more than a couple of minutes, I phase out. So, you might have to put in a little more effort to understand what I am saying. Driving is a little difficult, lucky enough for me, everybody else seem to be driving properly. There is also this throbbing feeling that is radiating from the centre of my brain when I close my eyes. Open my eyes and the world vibrates for a moment before coming to a halt. My eyes hurt a little bit.

The couch seems very comfy.

People seem to be having a really hard time maintaining a coherent conversation with me but I wouldn’t blame them. Brushing my teeth seemed really unnecessary but I bet my breath smells minty fresh, thanks to the gum I’ve been incessantly chewing. No amount of sugar or coffee seems to have any effect for more than half an hour. I burnt the bread, it doesn’t taste so good.

May be I should move to the bed for a while.

Google just crushes your dreams. I thought may be I could break the world record for the longest period a human being has intentionally gone without sleep. The current record holder stayed awake for 264 hours! That is a whopping eleven days! I’ve not even made it to day 3 yet! And he made it without any stimulants! Kiss good bye to the world record. It seems like sleep deprivation is an interrogation technique. I hope nobody asks me for my passwords.

I never noticed, this pillow is so soft.

Google also amuses me sometimes. It sent me to this sleep deprivation study that was supposedly done by Russian researchers in the late 1940s. They locked up 5 political prisoners in a room, pumped in stimulant gas and told them they would be free if they stayed awake for 30 days. Gradually their condition started to deteriorate, they started complaining after 5 days, started screaming incessantly after 9 days and the final result, they turned into cannibalistic psychopaths. When they tried to remove them from the chamber, they ripped out some throats and there was definitely a lot of blood and gore involved. What an encouraging story for a guy who has not slept in 3 days?!

My feet are a little cold, may be I should get under the covers.

Oddly enough dark and depressing things seems to amuse me; I am a little scared for myself now. Too much light in the room; need darkness! I can’t reach the switch form here! If only I had telekinetic powers, may be I do. Its been a while, the light switch isn’t budging. My eyes hurt a bit more because of the strenuous staring, they also seem to be growing heavy. I’ve been staring at the cursor for five minutes now, I phased out. I feel myself giving up. May be we are not built for this.

This throbbing feeling when I close my eye, it is starting to grow on me.

My other super powers seem to be acting up now. My super sensitive hearing is always a pain, I wonder how superman manages to sleep. Everything is so damn loud! All I am asking for is a little peace and quiet while I close my eyes and calculate what is 12 x 8. God! I am an engineer! Why are the numbers dancing around?!

Wait, what is that? Chewbacca riding a unicorn?! Dude, wait for me! Now, where is my Hoverboard?
Good night.

Clean up Your Online Presence – Look good for your potential stalker.

At some point in your life, somebody(other than yourself) will Google you. That is an established fact. Most of us spend the major portion of our day online and it is bound to leave a trace. Those pictures of you, the one time you got drunk, can ruin your college application. What if your boss accidentally stumbles on that tweet you sent when you were seriously frustrated at work? Some strongly worded political opinions might scare off potential networking interests. And you wanna look cool when somebody takes the trouble to Google you.

These are  some tools that come in handy when you wanna look nice and dandy,

FireMe!

fme

You would definitely want to know if a tweet is going to get you fired and this tool will tell you exactly that. FireMe! is a tool from Ricardo Kawase and his team at the University of Hanover in Germany. FireMe! uses an algorithm to find tweets that have the potential to get you into trouble and sends you a warning. If they find such a tweet, they send you a message saying,

Can you imagine if your boss gets to know that you said: ‘I hate my job so much’. You said that on Twitter and the whole world can see it!

You can also go to the site and check their FireMeter! score – your chance of getting fired as a percentage. I scored 3%, so I’m guessing I’m good.

Continue to Durofy.com for the source article.